What You Should Learn From The Drug Dealers

Oh yeah, they have plenty to teach, if you're really ready to learn. For every intelligent creature out there, every day is a self-development opportunity. So read this before you'll think that no yo could tell you anything you wouldn't know yourself, except maybe how to catch the bug in no time.

1. Don't get high on your own supply.

Marketers shouldn't believe themselves all the stories they're selling. That includes politicians, priests, and all kinds of middlemen and other make-believe con artists.

2. Either play or get played.

Most of the time you can't afford to be idle, as long as you don't want to be a pawn is some other dude's game. The game is out there, and it's not voluntary to get involved.

3. The count must be right.

You can't afford any leakage. Whenever you deal with money, you should count it right. The world is filled with players, and every day you're part of someone else's game. The money is used to count points most of the time.

4. Discipline is essential.

You get sloppy, you get busted. You try to steal from your boss; you get beaten with the baseball bat, or capped. Dope fiends will try to steal from you. Competition might try to ace you. You're surrounded by wolves, and if there's like two people you can trust, you are really lucky. If you really need a good friend, you can always buy a dog or two.

It's exactly the same way at any corporation.

5. The game is the game.

The rules of the game are eternal, primeval and invariable. You don't bet against gravity, you don't piss against the wind.

6. You can't show any kind of weakness.

If you're weak, you will be exploited. In the street, in every line of work, in life in general, you will be tested, for change, petty favors, and weak sides. And some people will use whatever they find vulnerable.

7. You're good; you're taking points on the package.

First you're paid hourly then you're on salary then we’re talking points.

8. Step on that.

All the producers of meat and soft drink and such steps on their products so many times you can’t even be sure there was some product in it.

9. Respect the Sunday Truce.

You need to rest some day with some amount of certainty that no one will try to stab you in the back.

All In Vain

I hate commercials. I rarely watch tv, but when I do, I mute commercials. I switch the station when I hear the jingle on the radio. I use all kinds of ad blocks on the web. I try to ignore most billboards [1]. I filter spam and don't give my real e-mail easily. I flip through magazine ads. I love books for, among others, not having those.

And despite all these efforts I know most of the ad gags.

[1] Excluding those with bra ads.

Why You Shouldn't Learn English From Most Other Songs Either

That's why:

Misnomer Of The Week: 100% chance

"Oh, he just missed his 100% chance!"

Hello! Say what? I'm pretty sure you just had your 100% chance of saying something stupid. And guess what? Oh, yeah.

Why You Shouldn't Learn English From Hip-Hip Songs

I could just state the obvious, but I think a short story I just made up will illustrate this so much better.

[Interview room, would-be MC is applying for a job]
- Good morning, have a seat.
- Holla.
- Tell me about yourself.
- Nah. I was told that freestyle rapping is not permitted. Come past my crib and you’ll know soon enough.
- Interesting. What parts of your education do you see as relevant to this position?
- All I know I learned in the streets. Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire? It's pretty much my resume. Only I'm black.
- You look pretty white.
- I might have a white skin, but I have a black heart though.
- Okay then. What is your experience in direct sale?
- I used to sell rock... I mean pharmaceuticals for headache, mostly. My high school niggas were my first target group.
- Excuse me?
- Did I say it out loud? Scratch that.
- How do you handle stress and pressure?
- Outstanding. I have a drug for that. Prescription drug obviously.
- Why do you want to work here?
- Except for the loot? I'd want some paper. That goes without saying. But really I look for new challenges in my life. Plus I really need insurance.  Full bennies or I’m out.
- Thank you. We're going to call you.

This reminds me of some other famous job interview:

If you understood everything Spud said, with his glamorous Scottish accent, then you deserve a black belt in English.

The New Stone Age

Wroclaw stadium will be opened on September. One of the events planned for the opening month is a boxing fight between Tomasz Adamek and Witajl Klitschko. It's advertised as the "fight of the XXI century".

When I hear about the "fight of the XXI century", I expect something like two geeks with joysticks, operating virtual robots displayed in 3D holograms for the audience. Perhaps even with virtual 3D blood all over. Not the two Neanderthals hitting each other exactly like it's the Stone Age or Friday’s night at Pasaz Niepolda [1].

A friend of mine is a boxing fan. He said that boxing is more about thinking than it is about hitting. I laughed hard. Right, so this is probably why all the boxing champions look like bookworm nerds, who fight between writing their PhDs on sociopolitical and cultural aspects of a right hook and reading Norwegian poetry from the Middle Ages.

I didn't manage to change his mind. He still believes that boxers are some kind of intellectual Titans, sensitive, sophisticated souls trapped in the body of Achilles, falsely mistaken for primitive brutes.

Does it sound a little oxymoronic? I guess paying real money to see something you could witness for free at Pasaz Niepolda might not even be “oxy”.

[1] Statistically speaking that’s the place with the cheapest tooth removal service in town. The variety of anesthetic available there would embarrass any licensed dentist.

Garbage Collector

It’s color or colour? Are you seeing a bird and paying a pony? Or rather, respectively, seeing shorty and paying a dime? Is it allowed to use a foot in football?

When you're a victim of a Polish Education System, you don't get to choose an accent, the accent is choosing you. And it's neither English nor American. It's Middle European Semi-English Accent, which lies somewhere between Russian English, and Drunk Scottish English. That's why I never ask for a sheet in formal situations.

When you're building your vocabulary using hip-hop songs, US movies, UK movies, you're actually collecting all kinds of garbage.