What You Should Know About Babies

1. Babies are suicidal. When they crawl on the bed, they don't stop on the edge. They'd rather speed up.

2. Babies eat everything. They're like next generation robotic vacuum cleaners, methodically cleaning all the floors from small objects, without any operator.

3. Babies are shameless. Urinating in public is just business as usual, run-of-the-mill activity, no biggie.

4. Babies are perverts. They grab any phallic object they can and put it inside their mouth.

5. Babies love electricity. But electricity doesn't love them.

Polish Sexual Techniques: Vatican roulette

It's when you're in the missionary position, crossing fingers[1], eyes closed, thinking about England, God and neccessity of procreation, and DEFINITELY NOT HAVING ANY SINFUL FUN.

[1] You need all the luck in the world if you're using Vatican Certified Birth Control Techniques.

The Baby Miracle

Let's start with a funny story about kids.

There's a cinema, and they're playing a film for kids. The place is filled with children and parents. Suddenly, a giant fart is breaking the silence. - It's me - says the little girl loudly - because I haven't pooped today yet.

Thesis: Everything is nice and sweet if it has baby in it. Replace a baby with a man and you get a gross story, acceptable only in non-metrosexual men's locker room.

Being a young liberal

Young liberals are so funny creatures! Imagine that. There's a guy, 25 (or so) years old. For the last 25 years he hasn't paid his country a single penny, yet he's been using its services constantly. He's been using all kinds of infrastructure -- roads, pavements, playgrounds, parks, schools, libraries, hospitals, etc. Some of them he's probably abused.

When he's finally got his first paycheck, and realized, that he's just paid an income tax, he's just furious. THESE GREEDY BASTARDS! Nearly one fifth of he's precious salary HAS BEEN STOLEN by outrageous state machine. Now he feels he can rant all over about evil government, who's wasting HIS money.

Dude, when you're paying for, let's say, coffee or haircut, you're exchanging your money for some kind od product or service. When you do it, this is not YOUR money anymore. You don't get to tell the hairdresser or coffeemaker how to spend it. So why do you think it's so much different, if you're paying your country for its services?

And what's with all that "if it's public, it's mine too"? It's not! Public ownership doesn't mean that you're some kind of shareholder. If you change your nationality, you can't take "your share" of national assets. You can't take two bricks of the public library and tell the judge, that you just wanted to manage your share of the institution, and you just calculated that it will be like two bricks.

Concepts like "state", "taxes", "democracy" seem to be understood really shallow by most people.

The Incentive To Learn English #2: Monty Python

All the comical dwarfs today are standing on the shoulders of giants. Let's not forget them.

Here's the classical song about philosophers:

 

And there's a live version: